Achieving the Work-Life Balance... how will your life look when you go back to work?

I was recently in a meeting with the Wellness Council for our school.  This is a group of volunteers that don't run in my social circle, but with whom I enjoy chatting and they offer me a different perspective on many topics of discussion.  All of the members of this committee are working mothers (and grandmothers), who have numerous commitments, but who feel passionately about the health and wellbeing of children.  Wellbeing - such a robust word.

As we were finishing up the meeting, one of the members mentioned that her new boss at work, during an annual review and goal setting meeting, asked her what her priorities for the upcoming year would be.  She responded with a few goals for her areas of responsibility, but her boss told her that no, her responsibility for the year would be to achieve a work-life balance.  My friend explained to us that she had always had managers who didn't care how much you had to work, or what was going on at home, but they were results driven individuals.  Her new manager gave her a list that went something like this:

1.  Learn to say No
2.  Attend ALL of the school functions

A little while later, my friend's manager brought her aside and told her that she had heard she was doing a great job saying no at work.  And it was a compliment!  What a great mentor to have!

Sometimes, we get so focused on achieving results that we forget to look at the big picture, and to make life-work balance a priority.  Take a moment to picture how you want your life to look when you go back to work.  Do you want full-time, part-time, flexibility to work from home, a family oriented company, something close to your neighborhood?  When you go out on your job search, keep this in the forefront of your mind, so that you will only look at positions in which you can achieve the balance and find your wellbeing.

The BIG Experiment!! Day Four by Diane

6:30-7:30 Wake up with small child in bed next to me. Wonderful Hubby calls. Make small child answer phone so that I don't have to get out of cozy bed. Happy there is smell of fresh coffee coming from kitchen. Get up and throw uniforms at children. Check email to see that I have another meeting this morning that I am unprepared for about "very important stuff", but throw papers in a bag and rush out the door.

7:30-8:15 Drop kids off barely slowing and rush back home to shower and prepare for presentation. Read email from enraged neighbor about "very important stuff". Put on LOTS of deodorant in preparation for presentation at school and subsequent meeting. Squeeze into terribly out of date clothing and rush back to school.

8:15-10:30 Have horrible presentation. Realize I am much better in small groups than in front of a crowd. Rush off to make 11:00 meeting. No workout today.

11:00-12:00 Meet with important people about "very important stuff". Worry that I'm not communicating my position on important stuff so that they hear what I am saying. Worry about performance when I go back to work.

12:00-2:30 Check emails, have string cheese. Sit down and actually do some work, finally. Schedule playdate for children. Feel like having a glass of wine. Have a glass of wine with lunch. (Hey, I'm a big girl, deal with it!) Return phone call. Have headache about "very important stuff"... or maybe it's the wine? Still have another hour to make goal of 3 1/2 hours of work/day.

2:30-3:45 Feed kids, help with homework, put dishes in dishwasher

3:45-7:45 Take kids to indoor play-gym with friends and then out to dinner. Kids have fun. Eat pizza for dinner, feel very guilty, but kids are happy. Get home, put them to bed. Find out I have to go in to "work" tomorrow, and can't work out, but Wonderful Hubby will be home to help me out in the morning.

7:45-8:00 Check emails, blog. I am exhausted and sore (shin splints from uphill walk yesterday). Would go to bed if it weren't only 8:00. Go to set up coffee maker for the morning. Accidentally brew coffee instead of programming it. Brain can no longer function. Think of staying in bed all weekend. Smile.

8:00-9:30 Fall asleep in front of TV.  Wake up when hubby comes home.  Go to bed exhausted.

The BIG Experiment!! Day Three by Diane

4:38 am  Wonderful Hubby wakes me up with his snoring.  This is a recurring theme in our household.  Move to spare bedroom.  Spend half hour worrying about interview.  Fall back to sleep.

6:25 am  Woken by small dog who wants food.  Wonderful Hubby comes to wake me up as well, since my alarm has gone off, and then goes to wake the kids.  I am grateful for having prepared the coffee to start automatically.

6:30-7:30 Take out recycling, drip stale beer down my shoulder.  Not going to ruin my mood, however. Got the kids out the door on time and with most of their morning chores completed!  Even stopped the car before pushing them out at school!

7:30-8:45 Have a walk with Kim.  Good discussions of why our hubbies are helping out MORE than usual this week.  BOTH husbands have pointed out that they'd do whatever around the house, we only had to ask.  Strangely enough, we haven't had to ask them to do anything so far this week, they've just seen something needing to be done and done it.  Think the blog is great in more ways than one!  Got a bit lost and had to use the iPhone to find our way back to our cars.

8:45-9:30 Yikes!  Gotta hustle to shower and prepare for interview.  Try on aforementioned out of date suit.  Marvel that it still fits (see that scheduled exercise really pays off!) and looks okay.  It is a bit uncomfortable because it has a waistline that goes over the navel, and I have been wearing low-rise pants for the last 5 years, but, with the jacket on, no one will know but me!

10:00-11:00 Meet with a wonderful friend who has a need for some part-time contract work.  (It really is all about who you know!)  Work out a win/win for both of us.  If CFO agrees, I start next week!  Really great company with bright engaging professionals.  Got to use big words!  Head home, starting to really HATE suit and want to pull an Al Bundy.

11:00-1:15  Voicemail from teacher who says son might have pink eye.  Ignore it.  They'll call again if they need to send him home.  Panic about what happens now that Wonderful Hubby is traveling.  Emails from volunteers in a panic.  Get home, want a stiff drink, settle for what's left of the coffee, RIP off evil suit and throw it into a pile - climb into comfy jeans and slouchy sweater.  Sit down to work.

1:45-3:00  Realize that I forgot that I'd help out at kids' school and hustle out the door so that they don't wind up riding the bus home to find that I'm not.  Have kids do homework while volunteering.

3:30-5:00  Take kids to Toys R Us.  Need birthday gifts, and kids are dying to spend gift cards.  Curse gift cards given by well-meaning family members.  Tell kids only 1/2 an hour.  1 and 1/2 hours later, leave store.

5:30-7:00 Yay! Awesome brother comes to rescue and grabs kids for dinner.  Work on volunteer projects in peace.  Have glass of wine!  Forget to make to-do list for tomorrow.  Remark that I need to 1. take dog to the vet, 2. take car in for repair, 3. am almost out of milk.  Wonder when the heck I'm going to do that!?

7:00-9:00 Friend time!  Enjoy get-together at friend's.  Feel connected with other women/mommies.

9:00-10:00 pick up sleeping kids from Awesome Brother's and try to sneak them into bed before they wake up too much.  Have LONG conversation with emotional (and tired)7 year old. Realize I have only had string cheese, coffee, and wine to eat today.  Have another glass of wine, eat frozen dinner and a bunch of potato chips while catching up on DVR TV(so much for that workout).  Feel guilty, throw away bag of chips.

For the most part, this was a good fulfilling day.  Didn't spend enough time with children, which seems to show.  Plan on making up for that tomorrow!

The BIG Experiment!! Day One by Diane

6:30-7:30 Getting kids ready for school:  Went generally well for a Monday.  Reconsidering the chores assigned to children.

7:30-7:45 Slowed down, Opened car door= pushed them out

7:45-9:00 By some small miracle traffic was slight for a Monday. Had great work out, feel good!

9:00-9:45 I am clean and pretty.  Wonder what will happen when I have to wear something besides jeans and slippers, however.

9:45-11:30 Sit down in home office.  Odd smell in seldom used room.  Resist urge to investigate.  Resist urge to answer emails.  Post blog.  Read blogs.  Resist urge to look at emails.  Work on resume.  Hubby comes by to see what I am up to.  Response: "Working"

11:30  Finally succumb to incessant chiming of emails.  ACK!  Email from hubby (who works in the other room, no less) to check out some $10 socks he wants to buy.  Resist urge to scream.

11:35  Back to work on resume.  Research resume writing tips.

12:00  Hubby comes by to see what I am doing.  Response: "Working"

12:10  Hubby comes by to ask if he can make me a sandwich.  How nice- good husband.

12:15-1:15  Continue to work on resume and research.  Still wondering about that smell...

1:15-2:15  Proud of myself, actually did answer all of my PTA emails and worked on volunteer activities!

2:15-4:30  Was worried about this part of the day.  Fortunately, hubby helped son with homework and I continued to clean around the house, including finding and cleaning source of strange smell.  Got one load of laundry folded while children put their clothes away, and managed to return a phone call and some emails, most of which were volunteer related (so much for sticking to one hour).

4:30-4:40  Forgot to pay a bill due tomorrow.  Thank goodness for online banking.

5:00-6:15  Wonderful hubby prepares meatloaf while I fold laundry and order children to put it away.  Remind children of their chore responsibilities while making potatoes, salad and green beans to go with aforementioned meatloaf.  Play words with friends while cooking.  Pour glass of wine.

6:15-7:30  Clean up while wonderful hubby bathes kids.  Unfortunately the dishwasher is still running, so rinse dishes and pile in sink.  Wonder if I will get to them tonight, or wait until the morning.  Program coffee maker (bonus!) for early start.  Another load of laundry done. Pour second glass of wine

7:30-8:00  Read kids a book, worry that 5 year old will never read because his mommy never reads to him.  Check email and I have an interview on Wednesday!  Wow... then the panic sets in...ah, hell, lets have another glass of wine!   Make to-do list for tomorrow (finish resume!)

8:00- 10:00 Wow, today wasn't so bad.  I'm thinking that this might be do-able.  I still have laundry piled in the hallway, my bed isn't made, and the dishes are still in the sink, but feel I have accomplished more than I expected.  Then again... tomorrow is another day!

"Step away from the cabinets, Ma'am!" by Kim

Diane's post brought back the agony that I went through when I had to redo my resume this past summer - by the time that it was all said and done I think that the whole thing took me well over a month. My previous resume was LONG gone on the hard drive of a long gone computer; fortunately the resume that landed me the life-changing job in Asia had been written by Sue Campbell, a wonderful resume writer who is infinitely more organized than I. I asked her to email me a copy and *poof*, there it was in my inbox. I opened it, looked at it, closed it and went to clean out my bathroom cabinets. :)

A couple of days (weeks) went by and I opened it again and started the process of adding the past 3 years of experience. But even with a model right in front of me (of my own resume no less), I couldn't spend more than 10 minutes without getting frustrated and walking away from it. Finally, with input from Husband, family, and friends I had enough *stuff* to fill out the questionnaire that Sue had sent me and quickly dropped it back in her lap to make me sound fabulous!

All told it took me about a month to get to that point - it's silly as I sit here thinking about it now but the paralyzation was vividly, painfully real at the time and now it's time to update it again, sigh. Writing this blog and getting to talk with all sorts of other women facing similar challenges has been incredibly cathartic for me - it's great to know I'm not alone, I mean I'm sorry for them and all but....you know what I mean.

We'll be talking with Sue this week to get some input and practical advice for rewriting, recreating, or just freshening up your resume. In the meantime, if you want to start some forward momentum or can't stand the idea of cleaning out those bathroom cabinets again, here are a couple ideas to get you moving:

1. Start small - just a rough list of all of your personal qualities (both good and "challenging") that you can think of. Don't forget to incorporate the items from your career in MomWorld that Diane identified in "Thoughts for the Interview". Now...ask husbands, friends, family members - only people who will be honest but not brutal. Live with your list for a couple of days - add to it but don't take anything off, we tend to edit ourselves way too much. It's your opportunity to brag, do it!

2. At the same time, especially if you're starting from scratch, start working on a VERY simple timeline of your career - dates, places, titles. It seems excessively easy but after a couple of years at home, I'm lucky if I can recall what I had for dinner last Tuesday, much less where I was and what I was doing in 1998.

3. Once you've identified the places/times that you worked, start sketching out the details of the jobs and responsibilities that you held while there. Again, this is the very simple 65,000 foot view of things, the bare bones.

Our expert, Sue Campbell of 1st-Writer, will give us some pointers on how to get from here to there later in the week, so we can start to pull all of this together.

We're going to do this together in baby steps, so....get off your ass, leave those cabinets alone, and get started!

Losing Confidence (and finding it again)

So I know that I promised a follow up story about THE INTERVIEW, but it's just too humiliating to recount...suffice it to say that the formidable, confident, well-spoken woman who had managed huge projects and earned millions of dollars for my respective employers totally deserted me. In her place was a sweating, stumbling, inarticulate mess and as I watched myself in a sort of out of body experience I wondered "what happened?"

A few years of being out of my industry had left me unable to converse about it and more importantly I'd lost the confidence, once an intrinsic part of my personality, that enabled me to sell myself, my talent, and even to spin my challenges into benefits for a prospective employer. And the farther I bumbled along through the interview, the worse it got and the further my confidence sank.

That experience was a massive blow to my belief in my ability to get back into my industry, or really into the work place at all. It stayed with me for quite a while and as a result I tabled my job search.

Sitting here and being able to look at it with the perspective of a bit of distance, I can say that I haven't lost that woman or her abilities - all that I lost was the self-confidence that propelled me in all the endeavors that I have ever decided to undertake.

I can't pinpoint when I regained that confidence again. It could have been reviewing my resume and realizing all that I had accomplished or reminding myself that although I haven't been in the office I've accomplished a hell of a lot at home and in my life during this time. It was in no small measure to the cheerleading of my husband - he's never doubted me, nor has my daughter. It's probably all of that and some stuff I can't even name - but regardless, it's back and it's been tempered with a little humility now.

I can't tell anyone else how to regain that drive, sparkle, cockiness, and complete confidence in her abilities but I would suggest that it hasn't gone away - it's just hiding, waiting for you to remember that this time away from the workplace has only made you better, stronger, more able to multitask and be empathetic. Diane's post perfectly describes the qualities that SAH moms have gained in our time away from the workplace - but they do not define us, they simply are additions to the fierce women that we were before.

All that being said, when you are ready to get back into the fray and start interviewing, a little preparation goes a LONG way in reducing the sweat factor! I found the below link today - it provides real interview questions and responses from a HUGE array of industries - it's too varied to be useful for rote memorization and boilerplate Q&A but it'll remind you of the lingo, the tightrope walk and the language of your industry or industries that you might want to explore.

http://www.consultingcase101.com

I'm now able to remember who I was but more importantly I can celebrate who I am.

Why does it have to be all or nothing? By Kim

There was this article, “Frazzled Moms Push Back Against Volunteering” by Hilary Stout in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/02/garden/02parents.html?_r=2&emc=eta1&pagewanted=all) about a week ago, and when I read it I was thinking, “hell yeah, the volunteering demands are insane and can get totally out of control – those women got it figured out!” But as the week has gone on several points made in the article have been bugging me a little. And so, at the risk of becoming extremely unpopular, I’m going to let them go.

First let me say that I have it in me to be both types of moms that are described – I have been the frazzled, “let me try to be all things to all people” type as well as the “screw them all, I’m not doing it and they can’t make me” type. I think that we probably all have that potential.

Stout talks about the irony that moms do all of this volunteering ostensibly to be there for our kids and let them know how much we care about them, then however, the kids get stuck with babysitters or otherwise short-changed because mom is so busy working for the school that she doesn’t have time for them. I would also put forth that it’s not necessarily doing our kids any favors to be invading their world all the time. They are just starting to grow up and find their place in the world as they know it, to develop their voice, and discover where they belong. As parents, we are a huge part of that world and that’s as it should be, but school has always been the place that becomes “their” world – it’s where they learn how to socialize, to accommodate, to fight, to be part of a group, to study and learn independently – hell, just to become more independent in general. It’s normal – it’s part of growing up. If Mom is there ALL the time – in the classroom, on the field trips, in the library, in the cafeteria – how do they get to stretch a bit and to learn that independence that’s so critical for social growth and personal responsibility? Don’t get me wrong – it IS important to be there for events or the occasional lunch and they do love seeing you there at those times, but much more frequently than that and I have to wonder if we aren’t just making school an extension of home and that our hovering will take away the autonomy that they need to feel at this age.

Stout talks about mom guilt complexes and the almost competitive drive to “out-mom” each other. I've found that nobody can make me feel like a crappier mom than another mom – we’re our own worst enemies sometimes. You find yourself in a conversation with a group of other moms and it becomes a case of one-ups-momship: who is the busiest, who has the most meetings, who has the most to do….and on and on. I’m blessed with a wonderful group of friends – we are all moms and we all support each other unequivocally and fiercely….but those conversations still happen – I engage in them too. And as many benign conversations there are that happen amongst friends there are also those that happen with the “queen bee” moms that you walk away from feeling….less than. And so you sign up for more and more trying to reach the pinnacle of martyrdom that will allow you to converse with those “queen bees” and walk away feeling….more than. Guess what….it’s never going to happen. Ever. And that’s when you have to relearn the lesson that you learned when you were growing up, the one that you try to teach your own kids….it doesn’t matter what other people do or say – the only one that has to be happy with the things that you do is….you. Screw ‘em.

That being said, the decision that the moms in the article made to just quit everything and walk away seems to be just the different side of the same coin – the anti – martyrdom martyrdom, if you will. It seems a little extreme and doesn’t address any of the issues that arose from all the volunteering – it just takes them from the other side. It makes it seem like an addiction, one that you have to give up entirely or you will be consumed and hit rock bottom, living in a box and volunteering for everything from the PTA to the Shriners. I think that might be a little dramatic.

Can’t there be a balance? It seems that if you take the time for a little introspection that maybe there’s a middle ground to be reached. The first thing that seems critical to figure out is WHY? Truly and honestly – what need is being filled by all the volunteering? There is one and only we know what it is. Clarity and self-knowledge have to be there to help us to find the balance.

Secondly, what do you enjoy being a part of? I really liked co-chairing the book fair – it allowed me to be around the kids and gave me an event to plan and execute. I was proud with its’ success and had a blast doing it – I will do it again. I don’t like PTA meetings or the Fall Festival – so I don’t do those things. Figure out what you like and do it – let someone else do the other stuff. There will ALWAYS be someone else to do it – and if there’s not, so be it, the world will not come to an end. People may complain that they are SO busy now that you are shirking your volunteer duties, but….

That brings me to the final thing in this rant….WHO CARES??? The only person that has to be happy with your decisions is you! If you are happy and comfortable with your level of volunteering you may actually find that you enjoy the things that you are doing with your kids and more importantly, they will enjoy you doing it, your husband might not leave you, and you will be closer to the balanced life that we are all trying to lead.

Are you there job?? It's me, Diane...

Gotta love that story!! Hurray for the interview... I haven't even gotten there yet. As with many SAHs we now have the option to go back to the same career or industry, or to engage in a new one. Regardless of which we choose, we all have to reinvent ourselves. Not only are we now moms, but we are older (gasp!), wiser women. We should be able to ask for, and receive, what it is that we want. So, that begs the question: What kind of career do I want??

My husband asked me to write down all of the things that I would be happy doing, regardless of whether they were actual careers. As I pondered this, I thought, "gee, I'd be happy doing anything, as long as it was in the right sort of environment!" I want to work for a company in a position that is flexible, one that is challenging and engaging, and one that puts me in contact with (relatively) intelligent adults. I want a career that doesn't require me going back to school or spending tons of money to re-educate myself. As much as I'd love to be a child psychologist, my heart just isn't into studying late every evening and spending my afternoons around skinny 20-somethings who have never even had a child, but want to analyze them. I admire those of you who have the drive to do this, its just not me.

So, where am I going to find this job?? And more importantly, how am I going to convince them to hire me? What do I bring to the table??

For one, I am resourceful (always have been) - meaning that if I don't know the answer or how to do something, I will figure it out (fairly quickly, I might add). That's why I can fix an air-cooled VW bug with a gum wrapper and some duct tape.

Secondly, if you are willing to be flexible with my schedule, I will actually work during the hours that you employ me! Instead of surfing the net, tweeting my friends or checking facebook statuses. And, I promise, no blogging on the clock either!

I will get twice as much done in half as much time: Moms need to be efficient. We are masters at multi-tasking. We need to get as much done as possible in a short amount of time!

How will I do this? I am educated, experienced, and confident. I am able to make decisions quickly and easily, and I'll have a spreadsheet to back up my reasoning. I am a leader that others will respect (just ask anyone who has worked for me or with me in the past). I am also, because of the flexibility, the most talented and experienced individual that you will get for a reasonable price! We are former directors, VPs, managers of multi-million dollar companies, who managed teams with multi-million dollar budgets. Don't think we haven't continued to be efficient just because we managed our smaller household budgets!

Now, how do I put that all in a resume???

THE INTERVIEW or....

How I decided that self-employment seemed like a pretty good idea. By Kim

Last April I was dying to go back into the Manufacturing Operations industry – I was eagerly looking forward to the challenges and being able to interact with peers, I just wanted to get through the summer. In May, I was eagerly searching, figuring it would take the summer months to find something and get the ball rolling but that I would be able to enjoy the time with my family. In June, I was less actively searching but still jonesing to get back into my profession after school started in the Fall. In July, eh….but a couple of prospects had come along and so I thought that I might as well go interview.

Now I’m not going to say that THE INTERVIEW(s), and everything that went along with them, completely made me want to explore the possibilities of self-employment, but….

Suits and pointy-toed heels:

After my time in Thailand, where I had to wear everything to death due to the lack of shopping for “Western-sized women” (“we don’t have extra extra-large size for you, Madame”), I came back to the US with one suit and one pair of shoes. No worries, as you only need one to interview. I found them, pulled them out and started getting dressed. Maybe you’ve heard the expression “two possums wrestling in a gunny sack”, well apparently some badgers had eaten the possums and were PISSED to be stuck in this particular gunny sack – not pretty, not pretty at all. OK, no big deal, I would just have to go shopping, I thought, that’s fine I like shopping and at least I have the shoes.

The shoes….after 20+ years of wearing heels of every type, you would think that a person’s feet would be immune to just about anything and there was a time that I could’ve jogged the NYC marathon in stilettos without even wincing. Unfortunately, after a year+ of sandals, flip flops, tennis shoes and ballet flats, sliding back into those fabulous heels was a bit like sliding into medieval torture devices. I was undaunted though, my feet just aren’t used to heels anymore, I’d wear them around the house for a while and get readjusted in no time flat. Twenty minutes later, I was pretty certain that my effing feet had also gotten fatter, and as I crawled up the stairs to my room, I cheerily repeated to myself – shoe shopping too, I love shoe shopping!

Shopping day…trying on suits. I was feeling pretty good because I haven’t actually gone up a size, it’s more like bits of me have shifted around (read: down) a little and that’s ok, it’s normal in fact, gravity and all that (full turn in the mirror)…..what the hell is that on my ass….is that….cellulite??!!!

Spanx.

The best thing that I can say about that particular shopping excursion is that I did find the penultimate pointy-toed heel – Cole Haan makes all of their shoes with the Nike Air technology in them and the Miranda Pump is without a doubt the best multipurpose “work” shoe I’ve ever worn. Don’t misunderstand, it’s still a pointy-toed heel but your “back-to-work” feet will thank you!

I know that I haven’t even gotten to THE INTERVIEW yet, but I’m going to have to regroup and have a glass of wine before I can recount the rest of my humiliating tale.

If you’re wondering why I’m (over)sharing this with you, it’s partly to illustrate one of the 3 major obstacles that Diane and I see in getting back into the workplace, which is:

"If it’s been so long, and so much about me has changed, that my work wardrobe is obsolete, I can’t begin to imagine what has changed in my industry. I know that there are new business philosophies, technology, and buzz-words, and that business practices have shifted along with the economy. But I’m not entirely sure what has changed AND if I have this much trouble getting my wardrobe together, how am I possibly going to catch up on my industry in time to sound articulate and relevant (and not like I’ve been talking “mom-speak” for the past 5 years) in time for THE INTERVIEW, much less in the actual workplace? Being humiliated in the dressing room is one thing, being humiliated in front of my peers is another!"

So one of our goals is to provide that industry knowledge so that there’s one less thing to worry about.

…..and you’ll find the Spanx link in the LifeSavers section of this blog! ;-)

How did I get here from there and where the heck do I go now??

My story is a little different in that I was a single, working mom for 6 1/2 years. My last job posting had my daughter and I living in Bangkok, Thailand where I was working as a program manager for an aerospace company. Then I met and married the man who is now my husband, and we moved back to the US - Atlanta, GA specifically - to start a new life as a family.

It seemed to make the most sense for me to take at least a year off to get us all situated and adjusted to our new lives....I was finally getting the chance to be the stay at home (SAH) mom that I had always envied! This would be awesome!!!!!

Talk about an identity crisis - it took me a full year (and many emotional breakdowns) just to learn how to be that woman and to be ok with it - and I was still chafing to get back to work.

Then the summer came and we had so much fun! For the first time EVER, there were no day camps, babysitters, or nannies, I just rolled with it and instead of feeling overwhelmed and guilty all summer - we had a blast! My husband is a consultant and was able to take time for us to take mini-vacations and hang out, Belle and I went to the pool often, had play dates, made new friends and strengthened existing friendships, and most importantly tightened our bond as a family. Maybe I was cut out for the SAH mom thing after all.....

The first clue really should have been the PTA book fair - I was one of three co-chairs and when we started I was very mellow about it all - have fun and make money for the school, what could be better? Somewhere during it all, it became a PROJECT like the many that I had managed during my career and the driven, overachieving Kim came out of stasis. I will say to my credit that I was able to step back and know when I should let one of my (wonderful) co-chairs talk to a vendor or volunteer who wasn't doing what they promised since it's (apparently) not politic to take volunteers to task. The Book Fair was a huge hit and we did have a lot of fun but the stage was set....

As I mentioned, my husband is a consultant. He picked up a short term gig as a Program Manager for an airline and it was a huge project (and incidentally what I did in my previous professional life)...inside I was salivating and green with envy. I pumped him for details, offered (unsolicited and unnecessary) suggestions, and was generally a pain in the ass. As I was emphatically demanding more information one evening, so irrationally mad that I was in tears, it occurred to me that I was trying to live vicariously through him - a definite A-HA and AH-SHIT moment.

So the writing is on the wall - I have to get back to work! But I've also finally found the joy in being a SAH mom and I'm not willing to give that up entirely - how do I find the balance? That's I've been noodling on for the past 6 weeks or so since my epiphany and what I was thinking about on the morning that Diane and I were walking and talking.

Where do I go from here and how do I get there? There's no roadmap for what I want to accomplish. And what is it exactly that I want to accomplish?

Diane summed it up perfectly...I want to ROCK!

And I suspect that we aren't the only ones.

So... where do we go from here?? by Diane

Ditto Kim!! Just as glad as I was to find that I wasn't the only one who wished to get back into the workforce, I think we were both stymied on where to start. "What do you want to do with your life?" echoes in my mind every morning when I wake up. As powerful and successful as I used to be before I left the workforce, and as wonderful as I am at being a stay-at-home (SAH), it is still difficult to answer that question.

I recently accompanied my husband on a long weekend business conference. In the evenings, the company would have us all out for cocktails and then dinner. I was surprised by how much fun it was to talk to people about the business again. I was actually able to hold a conversation about something other than homework and head lice epidemics at school! Phew, I really am an adult after all!

Going on that trip, while I know that there is still a lot that I have to do, find that old PC with my resume, for one, I finally figured out what I want to do.... I want to ROCK!!

You mean I'm not the only one?? by Kim

Diane and I were walking one morning a few weeks ago (a future post about my newly discovered need for Spanx will elaborate on the walking thing), and talking about our ambivalence about going back to work. We’re both ready to regain the professional self that we used to be, adding to the wife and mommy selves that we have been for the past several years.

After reassuring each other multiple times that this desire isn’t a reflection of any sort discontent with our family life or the choices that we have made, we started talking about our efforts to rejoin the workplace as we had left it and discovered…that we have NO idea how to go about it, where to start or really even what we want to do when we go back. Plus random things like:

Do I remember how to interview as the confident, successful professional woman that I was when I left? Because I suspect that these days I will be more like the awkward, sweating, bright red (I'm a blusher) mess that I was when I first graduated from college and was looking for my very first job.

Are the professional contacts I used to have even still around, it's been a while.

Am I willing to work the way that I used to? Probably not

What will my kids think? More importantly, are they going to develop psychological complexes and juvie records that add to the burgeoning case of maternal guilt that I'm already facing for even considering this move?

Will my husband rally and truly help or will I have to kill him?

Where did I pack my business clothes away?

Are shoulder pads still in style? (Just kidding, of course they are.)

What did I do with the old PC that my last known resume was on? I'm pretty sure that I gave it to Goodwill....WTH do I do now?

Sorry for this Diane, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone...but it felt great to know that I wasn’t the only one feeling the pressure of wanting something that I couldn’t entirely define and the frustration of not knowing how to attain it.

Our conversation ended that day with a shared commiseration that it was a shame we weren’t bakers or we could open our own cupcake shop and be done with it!