The BIG Experiment Day 2 by Kim

5:45 - 6:20 Curse as the alarm goes off but drag my ass out of bed. Get 4 layers of clothes on, eat a piece of PB toast, and head out the door to meet a friend for a workout.

6:25 Curse as the first raindrops hit my windshield pulling up in front of her house.

6:30-7:30 Walk and talk and walk and talk. It's what I needed - both the exercise and the camaraderie. Who cares if I'm looking like a drowned muskrat (no, I don't know what a muskrat looks like either but you know what I mean).

7:30 - 8:15 Hubby (from here forward to be known as Honey except when I'm ticked and then it'll be @#!Honey) took Shorty to school so I take the trash out, pour a cup of coffee and finish then post The BIG Experiment Day 1). Answer a couple of emails and make a list for the day.

8:15 - 9:30 Take Honey to get allergy shots. *He's allergic to cats (plus everything else - the man should live in a bubble!) and Shorty and I moved here from Thailand with 2 cats and then adopted a kitten a couple of months ago. The kitten pushed him over the allergy cliff he was perched on so we had to do something. Since he opted to get the allergy shots from the start and never even entertained the idea of getting rid of the cats, I feel like the least I can do is go along with him. Update our twitter and facebook feeds while I'm waiting. Swing by Fresh Market on the way home so there's actual food in the house that we want to eat.

9:30-11:00 Work on posts, read a couple of other blogs that I follow to be caught up, read through some business sites and journals to find future Post ideas. Still ignoring kitchen. Double fisting Diet Dr. Pepper and coffee...starting to twitch.

11:00-11:45 Have a meeting with Di and our graphics person today at 12:00 at the coffice, so a shower is necessary.

12:00-12:45 Meet with Di and Helen - make huge strides in nailing down a logo. It's pretty cool - we're almost legit. Di and I reflect that with the spotlight upon them both of our already helpful husbands have stepped it up into SuperHusband territory...contemplate a recurring piece on this topic....

12:45 - 1:00 Pick up the drycleaning, drive it home and haul all 900 lbs upstairs to the closet. Wonder how long it's been since one of us picked it up...

1:00 - 2:10 Researching other blogs/websites that operate in the same arena that we do - both inspired and intimidated.

2:30-4:15 Picked Shorty up from school and came home. Managed a healthy snack of smoothies and hummus - yay me!

*For people (like me) who are incapable of keeping fresh fruit alive and edible, the Yoplait packaged smoothies are AWESOME - the berries are already portioned out and it has frozen chunks of vanilla yogurt in it. (Disclosure: Yoplait has never heard of me and isn't paying me to endorse their product, however should they decide they want to I wouldn't say no.)

Then homework - more fractions...did we do fractions in 2nd grade? It seems that it was much later....

I cleaned up the kitchen and sat down to try and find a gymnastics program for Shorty since I didn't get it all together to get extracurricular activities planned for her once the cheerleading season ended. Found one but am going to have to go by tomorrow to register since their website doesn't allow for that...that's obnoxious.

4:15-5:15 Veg with Shorty. Contemplate folding laundry.

5:15 - 6:30 Go out for dinner. Try Ethiopian for the first time - it's awesome!! Not sure which one us has the most fun eating with our hands.

6:30-8:00 Contemplate folding laundry especially since Honey has kept it running all day and it's now done. But instead flop on the couch and watch the end of a DVR'd movie as a family. Recall at 8:00 that I'm not sure when Shorty had a shower last but it's too late to do anything about that now as she's got to go to bed.

8:00-8:15 Receive (and answer) some complimentary emails about the blog, marvel at the fact that one of the founders of iRelaunch has become a twitter follower (how cool is that!) and put together my To-Do list for Wednesday.

8:15 - 10:30 Contemplate folding the laundry. Watch a movie with Honey and have a glass of wine (or 2)

11:00 Bed and to sleep

Again, the thing that I noticed the most about today is that by stating that I had to dedicate a set amount of time to work/family/self I was able to meet my goal. I didn't follow the schedule to a T as promised, but I did get all the important stuff in - including both a workout and work. I also am much more aware of grouping errands along with times that I'm already out, as opposed to making multiple trips, which has me feeling less frazzled. And I even showered! Feeling like a bit of a badass!

Why does it have to be all or nothing? By Kim

There was this article, “Frazzled Moms Push Back Against Volunteering” by Hilary Stout in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/02/garden/02parents.html?_r=2&emc=eta1&pagewanted=all) about a week ago, and when I read it I was thinking, “hell yeah, the volunteering demands are insane and can get totally out of control – those women got it figured out!” But as the week has gone on several points made in the article have been bugging me a little. And so, at the risk of becoming extremely unpopular, I’m going to let them go.

First let me say that I have it in me to be both types of moms that are described – I have been the frazzled, “let me try to be all things to all people” type as well as the “screw them all, I’m not doing it and they can’t make me” type. I think that we probably all have that potential.

Stout talks about the irony that moms do all of this volunteering ostensibly to be there for our kids and let them know how much we care about them, then however, the kids get stuck with babysitters or otherwise short-changed because mom is so busy working for the school that she doesn’t have time for them. I would also put forth that it’s not necessarily doing our kids any favors to be invading their world all the time. They are just starting to grow up and find their place in the world as they know it, to develop their voice, and discover where they belong. As parents, we are a huge part of that world and that’s as it should be, but school has always been the place that becomes “their” world – it’s where they learn how to socialize, to accommodate, to fight, to be part of a group, to study and learn independently – hell, just to become more independent in general. It’s normal – it’s part of growing up. If Mom is there ALL the time – in the classroom, on the field trips, in the library, in the cafeteria – how do they get to stretch a bit and to learn that independence that’s so critical for social growth and personal responsibility? Don’t get me wrong – it IS important to be there for events or the occasional lunch and they do love seeing you there at those times, but much more frequently than that and I have to wonder if we aren’t just making school an extension of home and that our hovering will take away the autonomy that they need to feel at this age.

Stout talks about mom guilt complexes and the almost competitive drive to “out-mom” each other. I've found that nobody can make me feel like a crappier mom than another mom – we’re our own worst enemies sometimes. You find yourself in a conversation with a group of other moms and it becomes a case of one-ups-momship: who is the busiest, who has the most meetings, who has the most to do….and on and on. I’m blessed with a wonderful group of friends – we are all moms and we all support each other unequivocally and fiercely….but those conversations still happen – I engage in them too. And as many benign conversations there are that happen amongst friends there are also those that happen with the “queen bee” moms that you walk away from feeling….less than. And so you sign up for more and more trying to reach the pinnacle of martyrdom that will allow you to converse with those “queen bees” and walk away feeling….more than. Guess what….it’s never going to happen. Ever. And that’s when you have to relearn the lesson that you learned when you were growing up, the one that you try to teach your own kids….it doesn’t matter what other people do or say – the only one that has to be happy with the things that you do is….you. Screw ‘em.

That being said, the decision that the moms in the article made to just quit everything and walk away seems to be just the different side of the same coin – the anti – martyrdom martyrdom, if you will. It seems a little extreme and doesn’t address any of the issues that arose from all the volunteering – it just takes them from the other side. It makes it seem like an addiction, one that you have to give up entirely or you will be consumed and hit rock bottom, living in a box and volunteering for everything from the PTA to the Shriners. I think that might be a little dramatic.

Can’t there be a balance? It seems that if you take the time for a little introspection that maybe there’s a middle ground to be reached. The first thing that seems critical to figure out is WHY? Truly and honestly – what need is being filled by all the volunteering? There is one and only we know what it is. Clarity and self-knowledge have to be there to help us to find the balance.

Secondly, what do you enjoy being a part of? I really liked co-chairing the book fair – it allowed me to be around the kids and gave me an event to plan and execute. I was proud with its’ success and had a blast doing it – I will do it again. I don’t like PTA meetings or the Fall Festival – so I don’t do those things. Figure out what you like and do it – let someone else do the other stuff. There will ALWAYS be someone else to do it – and if there’s not, so be it, the world will not come to an end. People may complain that they are SO busy now that you are shirking your volunteer duties, but….

That brings me to the final thing in this rant….WHO CARES??? The only person that has to be happy with your decisions is you! If you are happy and comfortable with your level of volunteering you may actually find that you enjoy the things that you are doing with your kids and more importantly, they will enjoy you doing it, your husband might not leave you, and you will be closer to the balanced life that we are all trying to lead.