Don't Blink by Kim

Here we are 3 weeks after my last post and I'm not entirely sure what's happened. Di's been absolutely swamped with the projects that she's been working on. Her previous post vividly describes the challenges that she's been facing, as well as the validation that comes from being someone outside of wife/mom. And me? Well, I've been co-chairing the Spring Book Fair: "Carnival - Your ticket to read!" dontcha know. Book Fair essentially sends me down the rabbit hole for a solid 2 weeks and makes me long for the days where it was socially acceptable to start drinking at lunch (breakfast) and continue through the dinner hour. But we managed to get together for lunch last Friday and it was a rapid fire exchange as we crammed 3 weeks of news, laughter and commiseration into an hour and a half - it was AWESOME!

In my last post, I was weighing a couple possible job/career possibilities and needing to pick a direction. After several conversations with Honey, we decided to add an Operations Program Manager (that's me!) to The Sublime Group. Basically, we're going to tag team at companies that are looking to streamline, troubleshoot, and improve the relationship between Procurement and Operations. On paper it will allow us to:

1. Provide a client with a more fully integrated solution to Production issues since both are crucial to process improvement and overall success. (Look at me using the "Business speak" already...it's like I never left)

2. Provide me with the opportunity to put on my Career Hat (thus ending the existential / identity crisis that I've been having since quitting work).

3. Provide a way to manage at home so that Shorty's life isn't greatly affected by the change (thus alleviating some of the guilt I feel about getting back to work. Some.).

As I sit here, gloriously optimistic, I see a way to have my cake and eat it too. Time will tell, but irregardless, it's a step closer towards the balance of life that I've been looking for.

Dropping the Ball(s)

I have to apologize. I've been gone, absent, MIA, and AWOL for the past 2 weeks. As good as I get at juggling, there are times that life just kicks the crap out of me while I'm looking the other way. Since the holiday break that closely followed by The Great Blizzard of 2011, it has felt like I'm slipping, hanging on by my fingertips sometimes and not quite able to catch my balance. 2 weeks ago I completely careened off track.

It doesn't feel like it's always been this way. When I was a single, working mom, I could do it all. I was able to keep a (relatively) cleanish house, the laundry caught up, dinners on the table (so what if Shorty and I ate out so often that when we did eat at home she was looking for the waitress), and my work/life obligations handled with aplomb.

Then Shorty and I moved to Thailand and it became pretty darn easy to be a single working mom. In fact, I can't honestly say that I was a single mom there. After all, get the violins and hankies ready, we had a maid, nanny and driver (K. Pim, Kwang, and K. Tanin) who were with us all the time and in fact made up a family of sorts for us. When Shorty learned to ride a bike, it was Khun Tanin who ran up and down the street with her. And when I got home in the evening, Khun Pim had dinner made and the laundry done, and we could all sit down and eat dinner together. The time that I could spend with Shorty was the "quality kind" because Kwang made sure that she was bathed (along with any other children that were at our house! (But that's another story!)) and that homework was done. I knew that she was loved and cared for and played with and so while there was always the pang of guilt that comes motherhood, I didn't worry as much as I had before. We were spoiled and it was awesome.

Then we met and married Honey and it turns out that I didn't know what awesome really was! We moved back to the US and are a real family, he was the piece that was missing. But.....it seems that I lost that ability to multitask - to get the laundry done, the groceries stocked, the dinner on the table in a timely fashion, all while excelling at my job (I know, I know the violins are playing). And even though all time spent with Shorty is the "quality kind", I spend more of it fussing about homework, trying to remember when her last shower was, and getting after her to do her chores. Some days I'm sick of myself so I can only imagine how she feels! And so things slide through the cracks.

Last week Shorty has a stomach ache and a fever. After trying to let it fix itself for a day or so, Honey took her to the doctor where she was diagnosed with strep...and extreme constipation. The strep...ok, fine, it's been going around. But the doctor asked when the last time Shorty had pooped was and when neither of them knew, proceeded to give him the full lecture that really should have been given to me. Turns out she's been so constipated that her colon is stretched out and she's full of poo, she doesn't get enough fiber or water and I'm a terrible mother. OK, she didn't say that last part but it was implied. How did I miss this? Since I don't have to wipe her butt anymore, I have to say that my observations about her regularity (or irregularity as the case might be) are solely based on making sure that she has toilet paper in her bathroom. But shouldn't I have noticed or asked or...something? Is it because I've been so busy trying to get it all together and working and exercising and being all things to all people? Am I bad mother?

Right on the heels of that Honey and I got the flu. Bad. He's been completely knocked out of commission this week, suddenly the partner that I rely on to help me juggle was out of the game. So I dropped all pretense of trying to do it all and concentrated on the basics - Shorty, food, school. Screw work (which I realize it a luxury most don't have) and exercise. Surely I could handle those few things, even with the flu myself -  I once worked/parented for 3 weeks with dengue fever for God's sake!! But all I can say is thank God for friends because they pitched in and helped to take care of Shorty so that we could mend. I guess that I can't do it all any more and that's hard for me to admit.

But as I sit here typing this post, I see pretty clearly that I don't have to do it all by myself anymore. I have a wonderful husband (who usually doesn't have the flu) and fantastic friends and an amazing daughter. I'm disappointed in myself for dropping so many balls, but I have the support structure to be able to pick them up again. And I guess that's the important thing for any mom who's going back to work - find those supporters, be they husband, family, or friends and let them help!

So this post started as one thing and during the very long, drawn out way has become something else. Find your support, allow yourself to appreciate it, and utilize it. And talk to your kids about their poop every day.

Achieving the Work-Life Balance... how will your life look when you go back to work?

I was recently in a meeting with the Wellness Council for our school.  This is a group of volunteers that don't run in my social circle, but with whom I enjoy chatting and they offer me a different perspective on many topics of discussion.  All of the members of this committee are working mothers (and grandmothers), who have numerous commitments, but who feel passionately about the health and wellbeing of children.  Wellbeing - such a robust word.

As we were finishing up the meeting, one of the members mentioned that her new boss at work, during an annual review and goal setting meeting, asked her what her priorities for the upcoming year would be.  She responded with a few goals for her areas of responsibility, but her boss told her that no, her responsibility for the year would be to achieve a work-life balance.  My friend explained to us that she had always had managers who didn't care how much you had to work, or what was going on at home, but they were results driven individuals.  Her new manager gave her a list that went something like this:

1.  Learn to say No
2.  Attend ALL of the school functions

A little while later, my friend's manager brought her aside and told her that she had heard she was doing a great job saying no at work.  And it was a compliment!  What a great mentor to have!

Sometimes, we get so focused on achieving results that we forget to look at the big picture, and to make life-work balance a priority.  Take a moment to picture how you want your life to look when you go back to work.  Do you want full-time, part-time, flexibility to work from home, a family oriented company, something close to your neighborhood?  When you go out on your job search, keep this in the forefront of your mind, so that you will only look at positions in which you can achieve the balance and find your wellbeing.