Don't Blink by Kim

Here we are 3 weeks after my last post and I'm not entirely sure what's happened. Di's been absolutely swamped with the projects that she's been working on. Her previous post vividly describes the challenges that she's been facing, as well as the validation that comes from being someone outside of wife/mom. And me? Well, I've been co-chairing the Spring Book Fair: "Carnival - Your ticket to read!" dontcha know. Book Fair essentially sends me down the rabbit hole for a solid 2 weeks and makes me long for the days where it was socially acceptable to start drinking at lunch (breakfast) and continue through the dinner hour. But we managed to get together for lunch last Friday and it was a rapid fire exchange as we crammed 3 weeks of news, laughter and commiseration into an hour and a half - it was AWESOME!

In my last post, I was weighing a couple possible job/career possibilities and needing to pick a direction. After several conversations with Honey, we decided to add an Operations Program Manager (that's me!) to The Sublime Group. Basically, we're going to tag team at companies that are looking to streamline, troubleshoot, and improve the relationship between Procurement and Operations. On paper it will allow us to:

1. Provide a client with a more fully integrated solution to Production issues since both are crucial to process improvement and overall success. (Look at me using the "Business speak" already...it's like I never left)

2. Provide me with the opportunity to put on my Career Hat (thus ending the existential / identity crisis that I've been having since quitting work).

3. Provide a way to manage at home so that Shorty's life isn't greatly affected by the change (thus alleviating some of the guilt I feel about getting back to work. Some.).

As I sit here, gloriously optimistic, I see a way to have my cake and eat it too. Time will tell, but irregardless, it's a step closer towards the balance of life that I've been looking for.

It's time to leave the nest (again) by Kim

Recently I was approached by a colleague whom I worked with in my prior life. He's tired of working for the man and has a great idea for starting up a new company - he just needs someone to market it (that would be me) and help provide a non-engineering view of how to structure and package it (also me). We met last weekend and I'm not going to lie - I'm pretty excited about the potential. I'm also surprisingly giddy at the prospect of getting in front of customers and doing what I'm pretty damn good at. Not to mention it would feel pretty stinking good to truly contribute financially to our household.

Then, while discussing this with Honey, he got a somewhat hurt expression and says "well if you're going to go out and market in the industry, I'd rather you sell for me" - (amazing what a little competition will do). Of course this leads to the question of whether we could work effectively together....but that's another blog post.

And so I've been obsessively contemplating what it is that I want to do now. Di's had a great opportunity to get back into the work place over the past months - and while there have definitely been challenges- it appears that she's thoroughly enjoying reestablishing that part of herself that isn't wife or mom and I'll admit it, I'm envious of that. Don't get me wrong, I've got a great life and I love the flexibility that I now have to try things out but at a certain point I'm just spinning my wheels - it's time for me to put on my big girl pants and fully commit to a course of action! So I'll be making lists, looking at the family logistics and weighing various possibilities over the weekend but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be opting for the opportunities that get me out of the home office and back in front of clients...stay tuned.

The BIG Experiment!! Day 1 by Kim

6:30-7:30 Hit snooze until 6:40 but fortunately Shorty is a better morning person than her mom - so smooth sailing for a Monday morning.

7:30-7:45 Slowed down and she remembered to tuck and roll!

7:45-9:00 Didn't make the workout as I was obsessing about the huge amount of crap that I had to do. Hubby gets all chatty while I'm typing but after a few grunted responses asks if I want to be left alone.

9:00-9:45 Still wearing the pj, yoga pant, hoodie combo that I pulled on when I got out of bed. Soooo pretty. But have whittled down my to-do list enough that I'm able to see the rest of my week being ok which feels like a decent trade off.

9:45-11:30 Have gotten SO much done! Only played words with friends twice and danced with the cat once...not too shabby!

11:30 Made some lunch and walked past all the dishes still in the sink where they were left by unnamed family members. Maybe they will put themselves into the dishwasher...

11:35 Chuckle at Diane's husbands' quest for $10 socks and marvel at her restraint. Thank Hubby for picking up prescription and feel slightly bad that I didn't wait to have lunch with him.

11:45 Back to work. Edited seminar materials, posted the resume blog entry, paid bills, and did some more research.

1:15 Decide that today I'm going to "volunteer" to shower and the "passion" that I'm going to focus on is making myself generally presentable. Feeling like a scrub, albeit an extremely productive scrub.

So my following of the schedule this morning wasn't too great, seeing as I didn't get the workout or the shower in - but tomorrow is another day! And I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this afternoon...

2:20 Got Shorty picked up and ran to Walgreens. Now she's putting her clothes away while I peck away on this and then it'll be time for homework. Fractions today - it's a little disconcerting when you're apprehensive about 2nd grade homework but she still believes I know everything. Do you remember fractions...I don't!

2:30 - 4:30 Shorty does homework and I putter around in the house, nothing especially constructive. Hubby loads the dishwasher and starts it. :)

5:30 Realize that I bought flounder instead of ANY other type of fish plus it's been a couple of days so it's a bit sketchy. Hubby cooks flounder and squash while I make a chimichurri sauce to disguise flounder. Comes out of oven - blech, not eating it!

6:30 Make spaghetti. Laugh about disgusting flounder as a family.

8:00 Shorty to bed and Hubby and I watch House.

9:30 BED!!!

10:30 To sleep.

The thing that made the most impact on me today is that if I block out the time to work and have the discipline to stick to that schedule, I get so much more accomplished and feel better about myself (and things in general) at the end of the day. I was disappointed that I didn't get a work out in but have to really work at making that a non-negotiable priority, hence I'm walking with a friend at 6:30AM tomorrow. I also will remember that I don't like sketchy flounder.

Losing Confidence (and finding it again)

So I know that I promised a follow up story about THE INTERVIEW, but it's just too humiliating to recount...suffice it to say that the formidable, confident, well-spoken woman who had managed huge projects and earned millions of dollars for my respective employers totally deserted me. In her place was a sweating, stumbling, inarticulate mess and as I watched myself in a sort of out of body experience I wondered "what happened?"

A few years of being out of my industry had left me unable to converse about it and more importantly I'd lost the confidence, once an intrinsic part of my personality, that enabled me to sell myself, my talent, and even to spin my challenges into benefits for a prospective employer. And the farther I bumbled along through the interview, the worse it got and the further my confidence sank.

That experience was a massive blow to my belief in my ability to get back into my industry, or really into the work place at all. It stayed with me for quite a while and as a result I tabled my job search.

Sitting here and being able to look at it with the perspective of a bit of distance, I can say that I haven't lost that woman or her abilities - all that I lost was the self-confidence that propelled me in all the endeavors that I have ever decided to undertake.

I can't pinpoint when I regained that confidence again. It could have been reviewing my resume and realizing all that I had accomplished or reminding myself that although I haven't been in the office I've accomplished a hell of a lot at home and in my life during this time. It was in no small measure to the cheerleading of my husband - he's never doubted me, nor has my daughter. It's probably all of that and some stuff I can't even name - but regardless, it's back and it's been tempered with a little humility now.

I can't tell anyone else how to regain that drive, sparkle, cockiness, and complete confidence in her abilities but I would suggest that it hasn't gone away - it's just hiding, waiting for you to remember that this time away from the workplace has only made you better, stronger, more able to multitask and be empathetic. Diane's post perfectly describes the qualities that SAH moms have gained in our time away from the workplace - but they do not define us, they simply are additions to the fierce women that we were before.

All that being said, when you are ready to get back into the fray and start interviewing, a little preparation goes a LONG way in reducing the sweat factor! I found the below link today - it provides real interview questions and responses from a HUGE array of industries - it's too varied to be useful for rote memorization and boilerplate Q&A but it'll remind you of the lingo, the tightrope walk and the language of your industry or industries that you might want to explore.

http://www.consultingcase101.com

I'm now able to remember who I was but more importantly I can celebrate who I am.