Achieving the Work-Life Balance... how will your life look when you go back to work?

I was recently in a meeting with the Wellness Council for our school.  This is a group of volunteers that don't run in my social circle, but with whom I enjoy chatting and they offer me a different perspective on many topics of discussion.  All of the members of this committee are working mothers (and grandmothers), who have numerous commitments, but who feel passionately about the health and wellbeing of children.  Wellbeing - such a robust word.

As we were finishing up the meeting, one of the members mentioned that her new boss at work, during an annual review and goal setting meeting, asked her what her priorities for the upcoming year would be.  She responded with a few goals for her areas of responsibility, but her boss told her that no, her responsibility for the year would be to achieve a work-life balance.  My friend explained to us that she had always had managers who didn't care how much you had to work, or what was going on at home, but they were results driven individuals.  Her new manager gave her a list that went something like this:

1.  Learn to say No
2.  Attend ALL of the school functions

A little while later, my friend's manager brought her aside and told her that she had heard she was doing a great job saying no at work.  And it was a compliment!  What a great mentor to have!

Sometimes, we get so focused on achieving results that we forget to look at the big picture, and to make life-work balance a priority.  Take a moment to picture how you want your life to look when you go back to work.  Do you want full-time, part-time, flexibility to work from home, a family oriented company, something close to your neighborhood?  When you go out on your job search, keep this in the forefront of your mind, so that you will only look at positions in which you can achieve the balance and find your wellbeing.

Managing HOME when you go back to work, or, what we can learn from Kramer v. Kramer

The other evening I had the rare privilege of sitting and watching an entire movie on TV without falling asleep half-way through.  The movie was Kramer v. Kramer which, everyone should know, stars a young Dustin Hoffman and absolutely beautiful Merryl Streep.  In a nutshell, it's about a couple with a young child going through a divorce in 70's.  I was blown away at not only the performances by the actors, but by how this movie reflects what any family goes through when there is a major change in the home.

The story goes something like this: A self-absorbed "bring home the bacon" man comes home from the office to find that his stay-at-home wife is leaving him and their child.  She is unfulfilled by being a stay-at-home mom, and needs to be more than a wife and a mother.  Fortunately, we don't have to divorce our husbands and leave our children in order to have a job and feel complete.

For most of the remainder of the movie, we see the father bumble through all of the childcare, household chores, and responsibilities that, until then, had been handled by the mother.  Many of us would probably like to see how our wonderful husbands would manage being the sole care-giver.  I have an enormous amount of respect for single moms and dads.  Here are some other revelations that I had:

We ALL expect our kids to be resilient to change, when in fact, they shouldn't be expected to just "buck up".  Deal with the attitudes and the temper tantrums with a little bit of patience, understanding, and love.  Everyone needs a little time to adjust to a major change, like mommy going back to work.

Dads, expect your children to test you!  This is part of the process of change that the kids will have to go through.  Even if they should know better, that was in the "old" world, and with a major change, you are now entering the "new" world.  Don't get mad, just stand your ground.

They even had those dreaded goody bags after birthday parties in the 70s!

Can you believe they bought milk in quarts back then?!  Today we buy everything in gallons or in bulk.  A quart wouldn't last a day in my house and I'd have to add another item on my TO DO list.  No thanks!  But, this is interesting on many levels... I will spare you the soapbox (today).

Poor dad had to go to a PTA meeting at the school at 4:00 (taking time from work) because it was his responsibility!  I know that this is one of the first things to be crossed off of the list when both parents work, but, (and here I will get on my soapbox) make sure that, when you go back to work, that one or both parents are still actively engaged in your child's school and education.  This should be as much of a priority as homework, or feeding your family nutritious meals.  I'm not saying to go out and overcommit and volunteer for everything.  Know your limits, of course.  But, studies show that parents who are involved in the education of their children (beyond homework) have children who take their education seriously.  Pass it on!