Tips for Leaving the Nest

Congratulations Kim!!  I too have been out of the blogging loop for awhile, so much so as I forgot my login and password!  As you mentioned, because I took a temporary contract position.  I have learned so much from my experience to share with everyone thinking of going back to work, after being a stay-at-home mom for so long.  Here's my story:

A few months ago, I was sitting with a group of girlfriends talking about work.  I mentioned that I was looking toward going back to work, being in the land of people who talk about more than just their children, their children's school, the state of education, etc.  I have a fabulous friend who pretty much runs her company, while being mom to two terrific kids, and one ornery husband.  She said, "if you are serious about this, come and work for me for a little while to get your resume current and brush up on some skills".

TIP #1:  Most of you already know this, but it's not what you know, but who you know.  Reach out to those former employers, employees, friends and acquaintances!

So, I took fabulous friend up on the offer.  Part-time, while children were in school and still allowing for the workout in the morning.  Perfect!  I was sitting in on meetings, mostly feeling lost, and was going to be substitute for a project manager who was going to get married and be on her honeymoon at the end of a project.  It was a win-win for both the boss and me - he gets cheap, really skilled labor (though a bit rusty) and I get out of the house, into the land of the working, and some current experience on my resume!

TIP #2:  Going back into the workforce may result in a temporary cut in pay.  If you can, be sure you are really going to love the job you'll be doing and that it will support your priorities (which are usually more important than the money!)

After a couple of weeks, fabulous friend came to me and asked me if I could work on another project, with a tight deadline of 5 weeks for a client.  I was offered an increase in pay for the added headache and increased responsibility.  Sure, for a few weeks, that's okay - an occasional late evening here and there, working from home.  No problem.

TIP #3: As soon as they see how truly awesome you are, they'll be pleased with their decision and start giving you more responsibility and respect!

I set the expectation with wonderful hubby and kids.  Wonderful hubby agrees to step things up a notch on the household responsibilities and starts grocery shopping, doing laundry, picking up the kids and taking care of them when he's home.  I start having to ask my friends to take my kids on evenings when he's not home, and realize that I am racking up the "IOU"s.  A little guilt settles in, and I start taking on a few playdates of my own to repay the IOUs.  Now, I am swamped.  Responsibilities at work are increasing, I feel guilty about the time I miss from work, and the begging for people to take care of my kids when hubby's traveling.

TIP #4:  Set your limits, but know they are always going to ask for more

The next week, they have increased my rate and asked me to work full time until the completion of the project, which is a very important project and potential for a whole bunch more projects in the future.  How can I refuse?!  I discuss the matter with wonderful hubby.  Not sure if we still both see eye to eye on this, but it's only temporary.  I enroll the kids in after school care, reminding myself that it is only temporary.  Now the guilt really sets in... I get up, get kids ready, get myself ready, drop them at school, head to work... check in to see what I missed from the day before, work all day until dinner time, still leave before anyone else, sit in traffic until I can pick my kids (starving and tired) up from after school care.  Fix them ridiculously unhealthy meal, check their homework, put them to bed and drop myself in bed and fall immediately to sleep.  I have had no workout, no me time, I haven't called my best friend (who had a baby a week ago) to chat, haven't had couple time, and haven't even spoken at my kids except to bark at them to do their next chore or to stop whining.  Feel guilty all around... just to start it up all over again.

TIP #5:  There's no avoiding the guilt, just embrace it.

So, what have I learned through this "project"?  I have learned a bunch!  I have learned that I don't want to be the big career woman that I was before kids.  The one who could work until 8 pm and not feel guilty (or tired).  I want a career that is manageable alongside my family life.  Honestly, I think that a lot of companies say that they are considerate of families, or that families matter to them, but when it comes down to it, there are very few who practice what they preach.  (I do happen to think that my current employer is this sort of company, but they have just had a temporary influx of work - pretty good in this economy)  There are also positions in which it is going to be required that you are in an office.  These tend to be less flexible than those which do not require you to be in the office.

So, if you know of any part-time, flexible positions out there, please share with the rest of us!  It'd help to narrow down the focus of our job search!
TIP #6:

What I learned in THE BIG EXPERIMENT! by Kim

It was an interesting week and while there was a part of me that viewed it as a lark, I learned quite a bit about how I do things and where my priorities lay.


First let me say that Honey is one of the good ones...typically helpful and engaged. That being said...knowing that the blog was going on and that we were openly discussing husbands did make him step up his game. It was fantastic to have him identify what needed to be done and just do it. Of course I know that he'll do anything if I ask but sometimes, especially after a day of being after Shorty to do this or get that done, I already feel like a big, old nagging shrew and I don't want to be that person. Not having to ask felt AWESOME and more like we were a team instead just me being the taskmaster. I definitely prefer the team approach.


I need to find a way to get Shorty to do her chores without me being on top of her. It stresses me out, makes me "unpleasant" and is a huge time suck. I don't want to have to ask her to put her laundry away more than once - by twice I'm annoyed - by the third time my head spins around and I'm yelling (which makes me feel like crap because it's just laundry....however). It's a situation that needs to be resolved, I'm just not sure how to do it yet.


Like Diane I also ran out of milk (although never wine!) and we definitely ate out more than usual since I didn't go to the grocery store. My typical routine is to decide what we're going to have that day and shop specifically for that dinner. I've got to start planning ahead for the week, shopping for it on the weekend, and then actually cooking the things that we planned. My problem is that what sounds good on Sunday rarely appeals to me when it comes time to cook it on Wednesday - I'm going to have to get over that and find some ways to get all of us engaged in menu planning.


Having scheduled commitments made me accountable in a way that allowed me to meet my work goals.


Grouping errands together by task and proximity saved me a huge amount of time and driving.


Getting a workout in is the single best indicator of how my day is going to go. I feel more alert, confident, relaxed, energetic, and positive. Yet it's the first thing that I let go if I feel overwhelmed/busy, which is ridiculously self sabotaging!  I've got to actively work on changing that mindset.


Having my days scheduled out along with the caveat that we stick to the schedule as closely as possible, really allowed me the freedom to be actively engaged with Shorty when she got home from school instead of trying to fit in all the little tasks that I normally would, like cleaning up the kitchen or folding the laundry or answering emails. It was good for us and I'm just going to have to find another time to get those things done....over a glass of wine in the evening?


I'm pretty damn lucky to have the support of my husband, daughter and friends, something that I already knew but came to truly value and appreciate last week.

You're freaking amazing - be sure that they know it!!

The final post in our series on resumes, how to handle the holes and other pitfalls that cause us heartburn as we try to get back into the workplace. We feel that this post was the most important and also the thing that we're all least likely to do - so work on bragging!

Our guest blogger for this series is Sue Campbell, 1st-Writer.com, a professional resume writer and career strategist with over 18 years experience helping job seekers of every level achieve their career goals.

What do you think is the biggest mistake that women make when writing/rewriting their resume?

Not taking full credit for all they bring to the table and not fully recognizing or appreciating their own worth or corporate value. Using “I’m just..,” or “I’ve only…” at the beginning of any sentence.

Women sometimes dismiss or internally diminish incredibly valuable skills and abilities, thinking they have less value, somehow, or mistakenly believing that openly recognizing their own value and worth equals arrogance.

Of all the times in your life where humility may pay, writing your résumé is not one of them.

Surely it hasn't been THAT long!? *@#!! I'm old!

This week we're continuing our focus on resumes, with special attention to the areas that make us want to pull our hair out, kick the cat, and consider a new career as a carny. Our guest blogger for this series is Sue Campbell, 1st-Writer.com, a professional resume writer and career strategist with over 18 years experience helping job seekers of every level achieve their career goals.

What about dates? Do I have to put the dates I received my degrees?

For employment, you don’t need to include months, you can just list years (i.e. 2005-2007), but you have to include dates.

For college degrees, you can omit dates in your résumé, but expect to provide this information at the interview or application process. Understand, too, that while your reader probably won’t give this too much thought, he or she is likely notice that the dates have been omitted.

The BIG Experiment!! Day Four by Diane

6:30-7:30 Wake up with small child in bed next to me. Wonderful Hubby calls. Make small child answer phone so that I don't have to get out of cozy bed. Happy there is smell of fresh coffee coming from kitchen. Get up and throw uniforms at children. Check email to see that I have another meeting this morning that I am unprepared for about "very important stuff", but throw papers in a bag and rush out the door.

7:30-8:15 Drop kids off barely slowing and rush back home to shower and prepare for presentation. Read email from enraged neighbor about "very important stuff". Put on LOTS of deodorant in preparation for presentation at school and subsequent meeting. Squeeze into terribly out of date clothing and rush back to school.

8:15-10:30 Have horrible presentation. Realize I am much better in small groups than in front of a crowd. Rush off to make 11:00 meeting. No workout today.

11:00-12:00 Meet with important people about "very important stuff". Worry that I'm not communicating my position on important stuff so that they hear what I am saying. Worry about performance when I go back to work.

12:00-2:30 Check emails, have string cheese. Sit down and actually do some work, finally. Schedule playdate for children. Feel like having a glass of wine. Have a glass of wine with lunch. (Hey, I'm a big girl, deal with it!) Return phone call. Have headache about "very important stuff"... or maybe it's the wine? Still have another hour to make goal of 3 1/2 hours of work/day.

2:30-3:45 Feed kids, help with homework, put dishes in dishwasher

3:45-7:45 Take kids to indoor play-gym with friends and then out to dinner. Kids have fun. Eat pizza for dinner, feel very guilty, but kids are happy. Get home, put them to bed. Find out I have to go in to "work" tomorrow, and can't work out, but Wonderful Hubby will be home to help me out in the morning.

7:45-8:00 Check emails, blog. I am exhausted and sore (shin splints from uphill walk yesterday). Would go to bed if it weren't only 8:00. Go to set up coffee maker for the morning. Accidentally brew coffee instead of programming it. Brain can no longer function. Think of staying in bed all weekend. Smile.

8:00-9:30 Fall asleep in front of TV.  Wake up when hubby comes home.  Go to bed exhausted.

My Mission Statement: To get a job.

This week we are focusing on resumes, with special attention to the areas that make us want to pull our hair out, put on the stretchy pants, and consider a new career in competitive eating. Our guest blogger for this series is Sue Campbell, 1st-Writer.com, a professional resume writer and career strategist with over 18 years experience helping job seekers of every level achieve their career goals.

Is it absolutely necessary to have a mission statement? If so, how do you write a mission statement for your résumé (especially if your mission is to just get a job)?

First of all, never forget that your résumé is a marketing piece or that you’re writing your résumé for the sheer and complete benefit of your reader.

Imagine, for example, an ad for vacuum cleaners that begins with the statement, “We really need you to buy this vacuum cleaner so we can pay our electric bill.”

At this stage of the game, your reader doesn’t care what your hopes or aspirations may be. They simply want to know whether or not you’re qualified for the position and company you’re targeting, whether it’s in their interest to meet you, in person, to learn more, and how they may benefit by hiring you.

Later, at the interview stage, your needs and interests will become more important. But for now, it’s all about the reader.

So if you include a mission statement, or preferably a summary of qualifications section, keep the focus on what you bring to the table and how your skills, abilities and characteristics will benefit the company and meet its needs and expectations.

For example, a typical objective statement tends to focus more on what the candidate hopes to secure than what he or she brings to the table, but this can be altered by focusing on the reader’s interests:

“To secure the position of ________________________ at (Name of Company) where my skills in ______________________, _______________________ and _____________________ may best benefit (Name of Company)’s ____________________ goals and expectations.”

"She said what?!?"

This week we are focusing on resumes, with special attention to the areas that make us want to pull our hair out, get loaded, and consider a new career as a rodeo clown. Our guest blogger for this series is Sue Campbell, 1st-Writer.com, a professional resume writer and career strategist with over 18 years experience helping job seekers of every level achieve their career goals.

What are some key words should you include in your resume? What words should you avoid?

Include terms that are relevant to the field, position and industry you’re targeting and the positions you’ve held in the past. For example, an engineer should use the verb “engineer” (or “engineered”) somewhere in his or her document. A manager should be using the verb “manage” (or “managed”) when describing his or her work. And yet you’d be surprised how often this doesn’t happen. Other strong verb choices for someone in a leadership role include: Guide, Direct, Drive, and Lead, among others, and yet you’ll see résumés that have bullet point after bullet point leading with “Responsible for…”

When you’re writing your statements of responsibility, lead these statements with strong action verbs that show your reader your direct role and level of responsibility. Avoid phrases such as “Responsible for…” or “Duties included…” which dilute the strength of the statement.

Avoid words that feel inflated or are words you’d never use in your normal speech. When I read “Elevated Customer Satisfaction,” I wonder, “Would this person actually say “elevated” in an interview or any other situation describing his work?” Probably not.

Despite a variety of career related articles suggesting that phrases such as, “Proven record of achievement in…” or “Extensive experience in…” should be omitted from the résumé, I disagree. Include these kinds of declarations, but back them up with proof. If you have extensive experience in any area that’s vital to the position you’re targeting, it’s good to let the potential employer know this, but don’t stop there; tell the reader how this expertise will benefit him or her. Example:

“Extensive experience in brand building and market share. Consistently penetrate competitive target markets and increase revenue growth, even in challenging economic climates.”

Function versus Form?

This week we are focusing on resumes, with special attention to the areas that make us want to pull our hair out, eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's, and consider a new career as a balloon animal engineer. Our guest blogger for this series is Sue Campbell, 1st-Writer.com, a professional resume writer and career strategist with over 18 years experience helping job seekers of every level achieve their career goals

How do you organize a functional resume, as opposed to a chronological resume? Is that the best way to go?

A functional résumé is typically used by job candidates who:

• Have gaps in employment they want to hide.
• Wish to bring relevant, but possibly less utilized, skills to the forefront.
• Want to bypass titles which poorly reflect actual work responsibilities or accountability levels.
• Hope to change career paths and therefore want the reader to recognize transferable skills.

All of which are great reasons. The problem with using a functional format is that most hiring managers and HR directors know why candidates use functional résumés, too, and often will look for the very problems the candidate is trying so hard to hide.

A functional résumé is typically organized by skill groups or areas of expertise, with examples of these skills applied (but not where or when), followed by a brief outline of job titles, company names, locations and dates (without description). Example of order of information:

• Name
• Contact Information
• Summary of Qualifications (brief)
• Functional Headings (such as: Marketing, Management, Project Leadership, etc.) in the order of their value and relevance to the position and company being targeted – with bulleted details showing these skills applied, and including the results of the candidate’s efforts and contributions
• Employment History (in reverse chronological format, with little or no detail)
• Education
• Relevant Professional Associations (optional)
• Community Service (optional)

The BIG Experiment!! Day One by Diane

6:30-7:30 Getting kids ready for school:  Went generally well for a Monday.  Reconsidering the chores assigned to children.

7:30-7:45 Slowed down, Opened car door= pushed them out

7:45-9:00 By some small miracle traffic was slight for a Monday. Had great work out, feel good!

9:00-9:45 I am clean and pretty.  Wonder what will happen when I have to wear something besides jeans and slippers, however.

9:45-11:30 Sit down in home office.  Odd smell in seldom used room.  Resist urge to investigate.  Resist urge to answer emails.  Post blog.  Read blogs.  Resist urge to look at emails.  Work on resume.  Hubby comes by to see what I am up to.  Response: "Working"

11:30  Finally succumb to incessant chiming of emails.  ACK!  Email from hubby (who works in the other room, no less) to check out some $10 socks he wants to buy.  Resist urge to scream.

11:35  Back to work on resume.  Research resume writing tips.

12:00  Hubby comes by to see what I am doing.  Response: "Working"

12:10  Hubby comes by to ask if he can make me a sandwich.  How nice- good husband.

12:15-1:15  Continue to work on resume and research.  Still wondering about that smell...

1:15-2:15  Proud of myself, actually did answer all of my PTA emails and worked on volunteer activities!

2:15-4:30  Was worried about this part of the day.  Fortunately, hubby helped son with homework and I continued to clean around the house, including finding and cleaning source of strange smell.  Got one load of laundry folded while children put their clothes away, and managed to return a phone call and some emails, most of which were volunteer related (so much for sticking to one hour).

4:30-4:40  Forgot to pay a bill due tomorrow.  Thank goodness for online banking.

5:00-6:15  Wonderful hubby prepares meatloaf while I fold laundry and order children to put it away.  Remind children of their chore responsibilities while making potatoes, salad and green beans to go with aforementioned meatloaf.  Play words with friends while cooking.  Pour glass of wine.

6:15-7:30  Clean up while wonderful hubby bathes kids.  Unfortunately the dishwasher is still running, so rinse dishes and pile in sink.  Wonder if I will get to them tonight, or wait until the morning.  Program coffee maker (bonus!) for early start.  Another load of laundry done. Pour second glass of wine

7:30-8:00  Read kids a book, worry that 5 year old will never read because his mommy never reads to him.  Check email and I have an interview on Wednesday!  Wow... then the panic sets in...ah, hell, lets have another glass of wine!   Make to-do list for tomorrow (finish resume!)

8:00- 10:00 Wow, today wasn't so bad.  I'm thinking that this might be do-able.  I still have laundry piled in the hallway, my bed isn't made, and the dishes are still in the sink, but feel I have accomplished more than I expected.  Then again... tomorrow is another day!

There are HOLES in this resume!!

This week we are focusing on resumes, with special attention to the areas that make us want to pull our hair out, crawl back into bed, and consider a career in origami. Our guest blogger for this series is Sue Campbell, 1st-Writer.com, a professional resume writer and career strategist with over 18 years experience helping job seekers of every level achieve their career goals.

How do you cover the "holes" in your resume for the time that you were out of the workforce?

Rather than trying to hide gaps in your résumé, fill them, instead.

If you haven’t been spending any of this time in self-improvement, it’s not too late to add a layer of current activity to your résumé through volunteer work or education.

Actively employed candidates will always be viewed as “more hirable” by hiring managers. And candidates with recent experience will appear more “current.” However, if you’re reentering the workplace after a significant time away, you can give the same impression of being current by showing recent activity in areas deemed relevant or valuable to the types of positions and companies you’re currently targeting.

First, determine what skills, abilities and characteristics (personal and professional) the potential employer is trying to secure in potential candidates. This information is usually obtained via job ads, recruiters or company research.

Next, consider in what ways you’ve actively applied these skills in the recent past. Consider personality characteristics along with applied skills and technical abilities, such as communication, problem-solving, time management and resource allocation skills.

Create a summary section that focuses on that which you bring to the table – TODAY – in relevant skills, abilities and characteristics, and then show the reader your most recent application of these skills – even if this was through a continuing education course (leading with your education) or via non-paid community service – early in your document.

The what, where and when is always going to be important – but what really matters is what you CAN DO, and how what you can do –your efforts and contributions – will benefit a potential employer.

Snow Days

As many of you know, the East Coast is stuck in a huge "weather" situation.  Being in Atlanta, this is extremely difficult, as we are not used to snow and ice, and the whole city sort of shuts down.  We have now been stuck home for 3 days, school cancelled, meetings postponed, appointments re-scheduled.  While the kids and I have had a great time playing in the snow, sledding, and snuggling next to the fire, I am ready for them to go back to school!  I have things to do!!

So, tell me, what do you do, when you can't do your absolute best?  When the inclement weather makes you miss a deadline, or keeps you out of the office?  Do you just apologize and move on?  I spoke with one of my friends, a working mom, who has also been stuck at home, missing work, playing in the snow with her kids and not getting anything done.  She hasn't been into the office all week, but neither has anyone else.  This, she says, helps her to reconcile the guilty feelings.  She is also one of the only people I know who does not have a work issued laptop computer.  (wonder if she'll get one after this snow-storm?!)

But, what happens when you're the only one who is missing the deadlines, meetings, and work, due to a sick child or other child-related responsibility?  In a discussion that I recently had with several of my married, working mommy friends, they said that this responsibility usually falls to them, and NOT their spouses.  Their husbands just say, "Sorry, I have to work".  Hmmm... definitely something to think about, and probably something to discuss with the husband before going back to work....