Dropping the Ball(s)

I have to apologize. I've been gone, absent, MIA, and AWOL for the past 2 weeks. As good as I get at juggling, there are times that life just kicks the crap out of me while I'm looking the other way. Since the holiday break that closely followed by The Great Blizzard of 2011, it has felt like I'm slipping, hanging on by my fingertips sometimes and not quite able to catch my balance. 2 weeks ago I completely careened off track.

It doesn't feel like it's always been this way. When I was a single, working mom, I could do it all. I was able to keep a (relatively) cleanish house, the laundry caught up, dinners on the table (so what if Shorty and I ate out so often that when we did eat at home she was looking for the waitress), and my work/life obligations handled with aplomb.

Then Shorty and I moved to Thailand and it became pretty darn easy to be a single working mom. In fact, I can't honestly say that I was a single mom there. After all, get the violins and hankies ready, we had a maid, nanny and driver (K. Pim, Kwang, and K. Tanin) who were with us all the time and in fact made up a family of sorts for us. When Shorty learned to ride a bike, it was Khun Tanin who ran up and down the street with her. And when I got home in the evening, Khun Pim had dinner made and the laundry done, and we could all sit down and eat dinner together. The time that I could spend with Shorty was the "quality kind" because Kwang made sure that she was bathed (along with any other children that were at our house! (But that's another story!)) and that homework was done. I knew that she was loved and cared for and played with and so while there was always the pang of guilt that comes motherhood, I didn't worry as much as I had before. We were spoiled and it was awesome.

Then we met and married Honey and it turns out that I didn't know what awesome really was! We moved back to the US and are a real family, he was the piece that was missing. But.....it seems that I lost that ability to multitask - to get the laundry done, the groceries stocked, the dinner on the table in a timely fashion, all while excelling at my job (I know, I know the violins are playing). And even though all time spent with Shorty is the "quality kind", I spend more of it fussing about homework, trying to remember when her last shower was, and getting after her to do her chores. Some days I'm sick of myself so I can only imagine how she feels! And so things slide through the cracks.

Last week Shorty has a stomach ache and a fever. After trying to let it fix itself for a day or so, Honey took her to the doctor where she was diagnosed with strep...and extreme constipation. The strep...ok, fine, it's been going around. But the doctor asked when the last time Shorty had pooped was and when neither of them knew, proceeded to give him the full lecture that really should have been given to me. Turns out she's been so constipated that her colon is stretched out and she's full of poo, she doesn't get enough fiber or water and I'm a terrible mother. OK, she didn't say that last part but it was implied. How did I miss this? Since I don't have to wipe her butt anymore, I have to say that my observations about her regularity (or irregularity as the case might be) are solely based on making sure that she has toilet paper in her bathroom. But shouldn't I have noticed or asked or...something? Is it because I've been so busy trying to get it all together and working and exercising and being all things to all people? Am I bad mother?

Right on the heels of that Honey and I got the flu. Bad. He's been completely knocked out of commission this week, suddenly the partner that I rely on to help me juggle was out of the game. So I dropped all pretense of trying to do it all and concentrated on the basics - Shorty, food, school. Screw work (which I realize it a luxury most don't have) and exercise. Surely I could handle those few things, even with the flu myself -  I once worked/parented for 3 weeks with dengue fever for God's sake!! But all I can say is thank God for friends because they pitched in and helped to take care of Shorty so that we could mend. I guess that I can't do it all any more and that's hard for me to admit.

But as I sit here typing this post, I see pretty clearly that I don't have to do it all by myself anymore. I have a wonderful husband (who usually doesn't have the flu) and fantastic friends and an amazing daughter. I'm disappointed in myself for dropping so many balls, but I have the support structure to be able to pick them up again. And I guess that's the important thing for any mom who's going back to work - find those supporters, be they husband, family, or friends and let them help!

So this post started as one thing and during the very long, drawn out way has become something else. Find your support, allow yourself to appreciate it, and utilize it. And talk to your kids about their poop every day.

The BIG Experiment Day 4 by Kim

6:15 - 6:35 Honey gets up to pee which fortunately wakes me up because I set my alarm for an hour later than I meant too. Rush to get dressed and out the door - put on yesterdays' workout clothes because all the others are downstairs in the basket of laundry I've been contemplating all week. Feel a little gross but whatever.

6:45-7:40 Walk with friend. It's a bit of a rough start since it's effing cold out but by about 10 minutes in I'm glad that we persevered. Legs are sore from the hilly (lost) portion of yesterday's walk!

7:45-8:00 Run into the school to drop off Cokes for the Open House for walking buddy so that she's not late for work. Run into people I know and am acutely aware of being a little ripe, try to keep downwind...

8:00-8:30 Clean up the kitchen a (very) little bit. Going to have to spend some time on the house this weekend. Discover that Honey cleaned the kitty litter - God I love this man!

8:30-12:00 Work on blog and other projects. Try to get signed up for Daddy/Daughter Dance but having problems with their website...#@&*! - I often miss the boat on these type of things so it really pisses me off when I get my act together and am thwarted!

12:15-1:00 Eat lunch with Honey then take a quick shower.

1:00-4:30 Work on Slide presentation for seminar - it seems never ending! Break it up with some Words with Friends. Incidentally, Jeff is a ringer and is soundly kicking my ass even as he claims "I haven't played in at least a year". Whatever Jeff - What. Ever.

4:30-8:15 Honey goes with me to pick the girls up from their AfterSchool. We drop La off and go in for a quick chat. That turns to a couple glasses of wine which then turns into dinner out with both families. I don't have to cook which makes 3 nights this week, Suzy Homemaker I'm not! I don't get the stuff done at home that I'd planned to do, like folding the laundry (haha who'm I kidding) and putting away the box of Christmas stuff still sitting in my office. It's worth the trade off though.

8:45 Realize that we didn't give Shorty her spelling test but decide that we can do it in the morning if we get up 10 minutes early. Not going to garner me Mother of the Year but still seems like a good plan since I'm walking into walls!

9:00 Early mornings and exercise have officially kicked my ass - I'm going to bed.

The BIG Experiment Day 2 by Kim

5:45 - 6:20 Curse as the alarm goes off but drag my ass out of bed. Get 4 layers of clothes on, eat a piece of PB toast, and head out the door to meet a friend for a workout.

6:25 Curse as the first raindrops hit my windshield pulling up in front of her house.

6:30-7:30 Walk and talk and walk and talk. It's what I needed - both the exercise and the camaraderie. Who cares if I'm looking like a drowned muskrat (no, I don't know what a muskrat looks like either but you know what I mean).

7:30 - 8:15 Hubby (from here forward to be known as Honey except when I'm ticked and then it'll be @#!Honey) took Shorty to school so I take the trash out, pour a cup of coffee and finish then post The BIG Experiment Day 1). Answer a couple of emails and make a list for the day.

8:15 - 9:30 Take Honey to get allergy shots. *He's allergic to cats (plus everything else - the man should live in a bubble!) and Shorty and I moved here from Thailand with 2 cats and then adopted a kitten a couple of months ago. The kitten pushed him over the allergy cliff he was perched on so we had to do something. Since he opted to get the allergy shots from the start and never even entertained the idea of getting rid of the cats, I feel like the least I can do is go along with him. Update our twitter and facebook feeds while I'm waiting. Swing by Fresh Market on the way home so there's actual food in the house that we want to eat.

9:30-11:00 Work on posts, read a couple of other blogs that I follow to be caught up, read through some business sites and journals to find future Post ideas. Still ignoring kitchen. Double fisting Diet Dr. Pepper and coffee...starting to twitch.

11:00-11:45 Have a meeting with Di and our graphics person today at 12:00 at the coffice, so a shower is necessary.

12:00-12:45 Meet with Di and Helen - make huge strides in nailing down a logo. It's pretty cool - we're almost legit. Di and I reflect that with the spotlight upon them both of our already helpful husbands have stepped it up into SuperHusband territory...contemplate a recurring piece on this topic....

12:45 - 1:00 Pick up the drycleaning, drive it home and haul all 900 lbs upstairs to the closet. Wonder how long it's been since one of us picked it up...

1:00 - 2:10 Researching other blogs/websites that operate in the same arena that we do - both inspired and intimidated.

2:30-4:15 Picked Shorty up from school and came home. Managed a healthy snack of smoothies and hummus - yay me!

*For people (like me) who are incapable of keeping fresh fruit alive and edible, the Yoplait packaged smoothies are AWESOME - the berries are already portioned out and it has frozen chunks of vanilla yogurt in it. (Disclosure: Yoplait has never heard of me and isn't paying me to endorse their product, however should they decide they want to I wouldn't say no.)

Then homework - more fractions...did we do fractions in 2nd grade? It seems that it was much later....

I cleaned up the kitchen and sat down to try and find a gymnastics program for Shorty since I didn't get it all together to get extracurricular activities planned for her once the cheerleading season ended. Found one but am going to have to go by tomorrow to register since their website doesn't allow for that...that's obnoxious.

4:15-5:15 Veg with Shorty. Contemplate folding laundry.

5:15 - 6:30 Go out for dinner. Try Ethiopian for the first time - it's awesome!! Not sure which one us has the most fun eating with our hands.

6:30-8:00 Contemplate folding laundry especially since Honey has kept it running all day and it's now done. But instead flop on the couch and watch the end of a DVR'd movie as a family. Recall at 8:00 that I'm not sure when Shorty had a shower last but it's too late to do anything about that now as she's got to go to bed.

8:00-8:15 Receive (and answer) some complimentary emails about the blog, marvel at the fact that one of the founders of iRelaunch has become a twitter follower (how cool is that!) and put together my To-Do list for Wednesday.

8:15 - 10:30 Contemplate folding the laundry. Watch a movie with Honey and have a glass of wine (or 2)

11:00 Bed and to sleep

Again, the thing that I noticed the most about today is that by stating that I had to dedicate a set amount of time to work/family/self I was able to meet my goal. I didn't follow the schedule to a T as promised, but I did get all the important stuff in - including both a workout and work. I also am much more aware of grouping errands along with times that I'm already out, as opposed to making multiple trips, which has me feeling less frazzled. And I even showered! Feeling like a bit of a badass!

The BIG Experiment!! Day One by Diane

6:30-7:30 Getting kids ready for school:  Went generally well for a Monday.  Reconsidering the chores assigned to children.

7:30-7:45 Slowed down, Opened car door= pushed them out

7:45-9:00 By some small miracle traffic was slight for a Monday. Had great work out, feel good!

9:00-9:45 I am clean and pretty.  Wonder what will happen when I have to wear something besides jeans and slippers, however.

9:45-11:30 Sit down in home office.  Odd smell in seldom used room.  Resist urge to investigate.  Resist urge to answer emails.  Post blog.  Read blogs.  Resist urge to look at emails.  Work on resume.  Hubby comes by to see what I am up to.  Response: "Working"

11:30  Finally succumb to incessant chiming of emails.  ACK!  Email from hubby (who works in the other room, no less) to check out some $10 socks he wants to buy.  Resist urge to scream.

11:35  Back to work on resume.  Research resume writing tips.

12:00  Hubby comes by to see what I am doing.  Response: "Working"

12:10  Hubby comes by to ask if he can make me a sandwich.  How nice- good husband.

12:15-1:15  Continue to work on resume and research.  Still wondering about that smell...

1:15-2:15  Proud of myself, actually did answer all of my PTA emails and worked on volunteer activities!

2:15-4:30  Was worried about this part of the day.  Fortunately, hubby helped son with homework and I continued to clean around the house, including finding and cleaning source of strange smell.  Got one load of laundry folded while children put their clothes away, and managed to return a phone call and some emails, most of which were volunteer related (so much for sticking to one hour).

4:30-4:40  Forgot to pay a bill due tomorrow.  Thank goodness for online banking.

5:00-6:15  Wonderful hubby prepares meatloaf while I fold laundry and order children to put it away.  Remind children of their chore responsibilities while making potatoes, salad and green beans to go with aforementioned meatloaf.  Play words with friends while cooking.  Pour glass of wine.

6:15-7:30  Clean up while wonderful hubby bathes kids.  Unfortunately the dishwasher is still running, so rinse dishes and pile in sink.  Wonder if I will get to them tonight, or wait until the morning.  Program coffee maker (bonus!) for early start.  Another load of laundry done. Pour second glass of wine

7:30-8:00  Read kids a book, worry that 5 year old will never read because his mommy never reads to him.  Check email and I have an interview on Wednesday!  Wow... then the panic sets in...ah, hell, lets have another glass of wine!   Make to-do list for tomorrow (finish resume!)

8:00- 10:00 Wow, today wasn't so bad.  I'm thinking that this might be do-able.  I still have laundry piled in the hallway, my bed isn't made, and the dishes are still in the sink, but feel I have accomplished more than I expected.  Then again... tomorrow is another day!

The BIG Experiment!!

We've all been reading about Gwynnie's taxing daily schedule as a working mom, so we have busy schedules on the brain. In preparing the family, and yourself, for returning to work, Kim and I thought that it might be fun(ny) to have a sort-of trial run on how things might operate with mommy going back to work. Going off of the premise that if you're currently looking for work OR if you're starting a home business (as we are), there's a certain amount of time that you'll have to dedicate to the effort, we came up with the following schedule. (When we start working full time, there will be a WHOLE new schedule complete with a Survival Guide for our husbands.) For this whole week though, we are going to follow the schedule below to a T and report on how our kids, husbands, and selves fare as well as any casualties (I'm telling you right now that I don't see laundry pulling through!):

6:30-7:20 am Get up and get the kids ready for school/get mommy ready for the gym

7:30-7:45 am Slow down the car and push the kids out the door at school

8:00-9:00 am Go to the gym/workout - this is essential to plan into your day for your own well-being (so that you aren't sobbing as you try to squeeze into that business suit from pre-baby days)! Do it!!

9:00-9:45 am Home from the gym to shower (conditioning hair while stretching muscles a la Mrs. Rock-star's wife and movie star mom)

9:45-1:15 pm WORK: work on blog, work on networking, work on resume! 3 1/2 hours - DO NOT MULTI-TASK! - no house cleaning, laundry, errand running - only working!)

1:15-2:15 pm Volunteer activities and being involved at school (or whatever you are passionate about)

2:15-5:15 pm Kids are home from school: help with homework, fix healthy snacks (or throw goldfish at them), have playdates, extra-curricular activities, etc. Try to engage the kids... try not to play words with friends... resist urge to allow children to watch hours of TV.

5:30-6:00 pm Fix dinner (see our "For Meals on the Fly" on the sidebar or just have the local fishmonger deliver as GOOP suggests)

6:00-6:30 pm Eat dinner together as a family (pour first glass of wine)

6:30-7:30 pm Clean up and get the kids ready for bed (pour second glass of wine while children are bathing)

7:30-8:00 pm Check emails (make sure there aren't any important messages) and make To-Do list for following day

8:00-10:00 pm Grown-up time. Whether it's Couple-time, Friend-time, or Me-time - make sure to schedule at least one night of each this week!

10:00 pm Bedtime

Notice that we haven't built in specific time slots for house clean-up, laundry, errands, grocery shopping, dishwasher emptying...yep, we're curious to see how that's going to shake out too - husbands, maybe?

Anyone else out there ready to take the challenge with us??!!