As many of you know, the East Coast is stuck in a huge "weather" situation. Being in Atlanta, this is extremely difficult, as we are not used to snow and ice, and the whole city sort of shuts down. We have now been stuck home for 3 days, school cancelled, meetings postponed, appointments re-scheduled. While the kids and I have had a great time playing in the snow, sledding, and snuggling next to the fire, I am ready for them to go back to school! I have things to do!!
So, tell me, what do you do, when you can't do your absolute best? When the inclement weather makes you miss a deadline, or keeps you out of the office? Do you just apologize and move on? I spoke with one of my friends, a working mom, who has also been stuck at home, missing work, playing in the snow with her kids and not getting anything done. She hasn't been into the office all week, but neither has anyone else. This, she says, helps her to reconcile the guilty feelings. She is also one of the only people I know who does not have a work issued laptop computer. (wonder if she'll get one after this snow-storm?!)
But, what happens when you're the only one who is missing the deadlines, meetings, and work, due to a sick child or other child-related responsibility? In a discussion that I recently had with several of my married, working mommy friends, they said that this responsibility usually falls to them, and NOT their spouses. Their husbands just say, "Sorry, I have to work". Hmmm... definitely something to think about, and probably something to discuss with the husband before going back to work....
Di,
ReplyDeleteAbout the responsibility for sick kids and other child related issues falling primarily to the mom - this was an issue that I thought I was facing along with many friends. Being a relative newlywed who came into the marriage with a 6 year old, I didn't ask for help, whether I assumed that he'd say no or for my own twisted reasons who knows? But I got increasingly resentful about the fact that his work took precedent and all the kid issues fell to me, until I blew up one day and had a hissy fit about how I had to do everything, etc....his response: "Well who asked you to??" Huh. Well. Shit, I guess you're right - I never asked if he could help, I just assumed that he wouldn't. Now I try to go into the conversation with the opposite assumption - that he'll help in any way he possibly can. Then we both throw our obligations out onto the table and whoever has the most flexibility is the one who handles it. It works for us.
And you're right, it's something that has to be resolved, preferably before going back to work. Because as you go back into the office after speaking so convincingly in your interview about the strong support at home and how child care is handled and won't be a distraction...and then it becomes one, you've sabotaged yourself and your image from the outset. Yuck.
It's me again, I was thinking about it some more!.... The first and foremost reason to have the conversation with our husbands/families is that going back to work is a major change that will affect everyone. After 7 years of "mom" being there to do stuff, we won't be there to do it all anymore and we need our whole family to know that and be ready to pitch in. It will take all of us time to adjust and work out the kinks. But everyone stands a better chance of survival if we've reached some understandings up front!
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