You can't be me, I'm a rock star ... by Diane

Hi everyone!

So, it's been quite awhile since I have posted, and I am here to report that it is not for lack of intent!  Here is what happened:

I was sitting around having cocktails with a bunch of girlfriends one evening, talking about how I'd like to re-enter the workforce, and how, although it presented some challenges (ie: resume writing, child care issues, "what the heck I want to do with my life", etc.) I was gung ho and ready!  My wonderful friend, who is the head of her company, not in title or responsibility, but in spirit, suggested that I come in and work a couple hours a day, a couple days a week, for minimal pay, at her company to get something current on my resume.  I found out that she is like the hero of the working woman, the one who rescues those who have lost their jobs, or are unhappy in their current employment state.  She is currently helping at least 3 other people pull together their resumes!

She is also CRAZY!  Not crazy in the unbalanced, need a straight jacket sort of way (although she might think otherwise), but she has endless amounts of energy, which she doles out to her job, her family, and, as you will see, her friends!  This is the superwoman who will catch you in the tornado of her excitement, and you will want to let go and be carried away.

So, I agreed to go to work with her, at her company - she had to talk the owner and the accounting people into it, and I am sure, at first, that they were like, "what sort of lunatic is this, and why is she here"?!  After the first week of part-time, basic work (read: research, filing, etc.), they were asking me to work everyday, part-time.  I gladly accepted, even though I was referred to as "little buddy" and no one was still quite sure about how I fit into their organization.

After another week or so, again, I was asked to step it up to full-time, temporarily - big projects... etc.  And I, like any person with a work ethic was willing to go the extra mile to make sure that the company was being supported (just as I had done before I had kids).  I did, however, have to make some changes at home:
- Had to get wonderful hubby to take on many household responsibilities
- Had to figure out child care after school for my kids on a regular basis

I missed (or was late to) dinners with my friends on friday evenings, PTA meetings, homework went unchecked, laundry and housework went undone (one day I actually wore to work not one single article of clothing that had been cleaned between wearings!)  I did not watch a single TV program during which I did not fall asleep.  My kids became cranky (more on that later), my husband became cranky, my friends missed me, and I am sure that the PTA was cranky about my lack of upholding my responsibilities.

Of course, I am sure that this crankiness was all because everyone on the other side viewed my "job" as temporary, one that would end one day, and I would return to the world of the stay-at-home mom.  Even I, at one point, missed my kids, my family, and my friends, and wondered why the heck I was doing this!

However, the pinnacle of my temporary position was just last week.  I had the opportunity to see all of my hard work, and that of everyone else working on that project, come together.  Coming back from that business trip, I felt like a rock star!  We were brilliant, and amazing, quick-thinking and creative.  It was an incredible feeling, that I have to say, I rarely, if ever get from being a stay-at-home mom.  Sure, it has its triumphs, but people aren't kidding when they say that being a mom is a thankless job.

So, where does that leave me now... confused, divided, yearning... Part of me wishes to come back home and be with my kids, and part of me (now that I've gotten used to it) really wants to continue to be the rock star...  the question is, which one do I want more?